I Thought I Was Over It - Until God Showed Me I Wasn't

You know, I always say healing takes 2— because you can’t wash your own back without assistance. You need someone or something to help you see what you missed. But if I’m being honest, that statement was always meant for everyone else, not me lol. Surely, I had done the work! I had been through the healing, especially being almost seven years into my marriage. I do the coaching, I do the helping; I don’t get help, or to be coached.

Well, my own philosophy came back to expose some areas I had failed to clean.

A Moment of Realization

So boom! One day, I was minding my business, scrolling through Facebook, when I saw an article about an alleged predator from my alma mater. The comments were a mix of “Oh, he’s been doing this. Y’all just didn’t want to listen” and “Glad they finally got him.” Some comments varied between disappointment and warnings to stay out of it. And just like that, something I had buried deep unlocked itself.

Story Time

In college, I had my own experience with someone I thought I could trust but  in reality, he was a predator. My mind wouldn’t let me accept that something happened to me because admitting it meant I had to call myself a victim. And who wants to be a victim? I am an Abrams, for God’s sake. I don’t cry, and I am not a victim. We are wolves, my daddy would tell us. 

Long story short, I went to his house for drinks. I should have known better, right? But I didn’t. I just wanted to get out of the house after arguing with my boyfriend (who I lived with—would not recommend doing this). Drinking with the fellas wasn’t uncommon for me. I had guy friends I trusted since freshman year. My mistake was assuming he was one of them and breaking girl code number one: always go together 2 or more.

I will spare you the details but after it all happened, I went home, took a shower, got in bed with my boyfriend, and never said a word. I didn’t cry about. I told myself it was my fault and I wrote it out of my life. And until today, I never spoke about it. Because what was there to speak of.

I wouldn’t have even acknowledged it if it weren’t for my husband. When I saw that article, sure I thought about my situation and again I pushed it to the back of my mind and continued on. Surely this wouldn’t affect me now as a wife and mother. Oh, how terribly wrong I was. My husband noticed almost immediately my shift. He said I had been distant, walking around the house with a “don’t touch me” look. So naturally, I sat and talked with him and... called him a weirdo and denied everything lol. "Matter of fact, it's your fault." Because, again, why would anything be wrong with me? And you know what “leave me alone” ( oh how kind I am lol)

But eventually, we sat down and talked through it. For the first time, I cried over the situation. And if you know me, I hate crying. Yet, lately, I’ve become a faucet, and I kind of like it. (Don’t tell my dad and brothers lol.) 

Healing Requires Help

I say all this to say that you can only heal yourself so much before you need someone to wash your back. Does that mean you have to have a spouse? Not necessarily, but having one who truly sees you makes it easier.

I am 1000% confident in God's capability that if need be, He will send people to help us reach those hard-to-see places. But also, He speaks highly about marriage and the fruit it bears:

• Genesis 2:18 (ESV) – "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV) – "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Things That Are Helping Me Heal

1. My Husband

He sees things in me that I don’t see in myself. This requires a level of submission from both of us—to call each other out in love and truth. Listening isn’t always easy, and I struggle with it. My go-to response is “weirdo” or “stupid.” (Pray for me! And him too!)

2. Discovering Who I Am Through God’s Eyes

This has been the most transformative. Learning who God has called me to be has reshaped my values. What I once thought was a strength, I now see as a weakness and vice versa. It has transformed me and made me anew.

• Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV) – "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

• Genesis 9:6 (ESV) – "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image."

3. Support- A Relationship With God

If no one else supports you, just know that God is always there, and He promised never to leave us. Matter of fact! God should be your first support, and everyone else is just a blessing. Matter of fact one more time! Let God tell you who to trust as a support system—that’s an even better idea.

• John 14:16 (ESV) – "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever."

• Psalms 34:17-18 (ESV) – "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." ( I just want to point out that it says THE RIGHTEOUS please make sure you are righteous by God's standard and not your own otherwise you might not qualify for this one, don't shoot the messenger please!)

• Matthew 5:4 (ESV) – "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

The Holy Spirit’s Role in Healing

• Romans 8:26 (ESV) – "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

• Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) – "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

• 1 Corinthians 6:19 (ESV) – "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own."

• John 14:26 (ESV) – "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you."

Final Thoughts

Originally, this message was written from a place of anger. But I sat on it and let the Holy Spirit minister to me. Now, I can share it with hope. I’m still on my healing journey and some days have been really hard, but for the first time, I’m confronting this head-on—not with drinking or smoking, not with fighting or blaming—but studying the Word of God, with the Holy Spirit’s guidance and my husband’s support.

If you’re on a healing journey, know this:

• God Will Never Leave You – Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5

• God is With You Always – Joshua 1:9, Matthew 28:20

• Nothing Can Separate You From God – Romans 8:38-39

I hope this helps someone the way it helped me. You are not alone. God sees you, hears you, and is with you every step of the way. And Always remember to stand on the Word you have to know the Word.