Apollo Stuckey
When God Clocked My Tea
Hey Friends! I took a little sabbatical—because life be lifing, especially 2nd semester as a high school teacher. This year, I was a senior advisor, and between assignment deadlines, college applications, and borderline grades, my main focus was getting those students across the stage. I was prepared to drag some of them by the collar across the stage if need be! But thank God, they made it—and yes, I cried. Now that things have calmed down, I want to share one of the most heartfelt, hard, and rewarding lessons God gave me during this break.
If you know me, really know me, then you know my marriage hasn’t exactly been a fairytale. Both of us came in with baggage, and honestly, I wouldn't recommend entering or staying in a marriage unless God Himself told you to do so. But this sabbatical gave me space to hear from God in a new way—and let me tell you, He didn’t hold back. He clocked my tea, read me my rights, and handed me a mirror.
The Morning I Got Exposed
So Boom! one morning I was talking to God (venting really) about my marriage. I told him I felt disconnected from Anthony—that the friendship we once had was basically gone. We had history: he helped me get into the military, and I’ve crashed at his place more times than I can count. But lately, I felt resistance, and when you were friends first, that resistance hit different. I felt like the enemy instead of the partner. Anthony had recently told me he didn’t feel safe talking to me, and of course, I got defensive: “What do you mean? I’m the easiest person to talk to!” But ain't that what we do when we know dang gone well we are wrong.
So, I went to church that Sunday, and the pastor started preaching on—wait for it—criticism. I sat there clutching my pearls, offended, exposed, and feeling very seen, because Holy Spirit, why are you always telling my business (lol). The line that hit me hardest was: “Criticism ruins relationships.” I whispered to God, “Is that me?” And God whispered back through the pastor: “You won’t have to explain yourself to your friends, and your enemies won’t accept one.”
Like excuse me God, you did not have to yell.
Why I Criticize (And Maybe You Do Too)
After that moment, God started revealing the deeper reasons why I’m overly critical—and it wasn’t pretty.
1. Safety
I criticize to protect myself. If I can control things, maybe I won’t get hurt. But that only revealed the pain I hadn’t healed from. I was trusting my own effort more than God’s will, which is always perfect. It’s like wounded-animal syndrome—you bark to keep danger away, not realizing you're scaring away love too.
2. Insecurity
This was a hard one. I don’t like admitting when I’m insecure. I’d rather act like I know it all than admit I’m unsure or wrong. But when I pick apart others, it gives me a false sense of superiority. It’s ugly. It’s embarrassing. But it’s also true. And it’s something God is working on me about.
3. Familiarity
My family is full of coaches, teachers, and high achievers—excellence is the standard. That culture of high expectations shaped me, and in some ways, it was beautiful. But it also taught me to be hyper-critical, both of myself and others. And that critical spirit bled into my marriage and even my parenting. I was repeating what was modeled for me, even when it didn’t serve me.
What Criticism Does to Relationships
I thought the problem in my marriage was Anthony. Turns out, part of the issue was me. ( an I say part because ain't no way it's all on me lol) Criticism isn’t just about pointing out what’s wrong—it’s about the damage it causes.
It erodes emotional safety – People start walking on eggshells, feeling unloved, rejected, and never good enough. Proverbs 12:18 – “The words of the reckless pierce like swords…”
It triggers defensiveness and conflict. Criticism invites arguments, not connection.
It destroys trust and affection. Love can’t thrive in an environment where people feel judged. Song of Solomon 4:7 – “You are altogether beautiful, my darling…”
It prevents growth. Constant judgment leads to shame, not change.
It weakens communication – People withdraw or lie to avoid criticism.
It undermines unity and love. Homes are supposed to be sanctuaries, not battlegrounds. Ephesians 4:2 – “Bear with one another in love…”
The Subtle Ways I Criticize (Yes, I'm Ashamed)
Let me be honest. I didn’t realize how often I criticize—not just my husband, but even my kids. And often it’s not in big, loud ways. Sometimes it’s the little things:
Sarcasm disguised as humor: “Oh, look who finally fixed the sink.”
Comparisons: “Hmmm, I am its straight, but I like this one better .”
Constant correction: “No, you’re saying it wrong.”
Pointing out flaws: “You know that’s not how that’s worn, right?”
Passive-aggressive digs: “Guess I’ll do it myself.”
Tone and body language: My facial expressions be telling everything.
Always/never statements: “You always forget,” or “You never listen.”
Unsolicited advice: “You know what you should do?” or “I think that you should…”
All these things build walls instead of bridges. And the Bible makes it clear that our words hold power:
Ephesians 4:29 – “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
Final Thoughts
Criticism wasn’t just a habit—it was a symptom of deeper issues. But God, in His grace, exposed it not to shame me, but to heal me. And although I am still healing, I’m seeing my marriage differently. I’m seeing my family differently. And most importantly, I’m seeing myself more differently.
So now, I’m becoming more intentional about my words and choosing to speak life—even when it’s hard, even when I want to correct, fix, or control. Because love builds. And I want to be a builder. I am a work in progress.
